What we have been busy with around here...

Birthday Baby

My little Sam turned one this month. ONE.
My mother heart has lots of feelings but there are no words.

Seriously. NO WORDS.

But there are pictures.

And there WAS cake!

My friend Julie made an AWESOME cake for our little monkey. It was his first taste of complete unrestricted, unbridled sugar.

He liked it.

He really really liked it.

Happy Birthday my sweet baby!

Going Out with No Bang...

...but rather, a crash.

Today is the last day of NaBloPoMo. There is a general sense of relief that this is over, out there among my fellow bloggers. I am on the fence. I actually did not find it too much of a stress...other than the days when Sam was sick. (Which come to think of it was almost half of the month.) I didn't actually mind the forced regularity. Kind of like bran for bloggers. I kinda liked it. Maybe it will be the catalyst for more regular posting in the future.

But back to the crash. Can you sense that something is just not quite right today? I know you can't...but it is staring me right in the face...quite literally. I am on Harv's laptop today.(Don't get me started on my personal disdain for laptops. That is another subject for another post.) I was searching on line for some info regarding the list (because I believe in well researched, truthful journalism) when all of a sudden...crash. My computer picked up a virus or something equally devastating to it (and to me personally). So now...it is on a ventilator and I am not sure if they can save it. OK...not quite so dramatic...but it is in the "shop" and "they" (the smart ones) are working on it. I really REALLY hope that they can save it. I would be DEVASTATED to loose everything on that computer. (I actually sound pretty calm, considering last evenings complete and total meltdown.)

So here I am...the 30th post on the 30th day. And I wanted to go out with a bang. But there is no bang. There is no celebration (though I do feel a tremendous amount of personal satisfaction for pulling this off). There is no interesting diatribe, or witty banter. It is just me...limping my way to the finish line on a dumb laptop. A little anti-climactic I think.

But just to show you that we still do know how to have a good time around here, here is Sam, sporting a new do to cheer on Mommy...

See you next year! (Or maybe tomorrow...)

No Time...

...for posting.

Too busy being spoiled by hubby for my birthday. Sammy is with Grandma, so we are footloose and fancy free! There has been hand holding, and window shopping. And lingering. No stroller. No feeding schedule. It's all about us. Guess what we did? Went to the mall and looked at little clothes for Sam. Even when he is not with us, he is with us. I love it.

Good times.

Happy Days are Here Again

Ahh man, maybe if I didn't leave this until 11:00 at night I wouldn't have to scramble to find something to post about that doesn't border on lame. Lame night after night is not such a good thing if I want to keep you all coming back. And trust me, I do. Or else I would just invest in a pretty journal and fancy pen and be done with it. Well wouldn't that be an idea for a post - an exert from my journal. Wow. I don't think so. We are close people, but not that close. heh heh

Really, it doesn't matter, because there is just one thing that I want to say tonight. Only one thing on my mind...

HE'S BAAAAAAACK!!!!

Still a little snotty. Still a little rumbly in his breathing. Still coughing. BUT he is smiling. And talking. And playing. And eating. And giggling. And after more than a week of sick baby, that is the BEST news I have, and deserves a post all on its own. Welcome back my baby!!

I am too tired to come up with a great title.

Oh goodness. Is it already the 20th? Does anyone else think that this month is going by really fast?

Let’s see…what can I talk about today? Sam is still sick. Harv is still sick. I am still tired.

What to write? What to write? *Looks around the room hoping for inspiration. How about my office? I am so lucky. I have this wonderful office/craft room that most would kill for. I painted it this amazing, inspiring shade of purple. It is a great room. Well…it is GOING to be a great room. The problem is this…

Actually, I see two things wrong with this picture. I see piles of unpacked STUFF that needs a home. And I see a little Sam who is about to start crawling and tearing into all of it!!! It is a child protective custody case just waiting to happen. It’s like a minefield of everything those parenting magazines warn you to deal with before the crawling starts. The clock is ticking.

What to do, what to do.

I think the mess is multiplying. For every pile I declutter, one more seems to pop up. This has become the “throw it in my office” room whenever we are cleaning the house and do not know where to put things. I am a little afraid that the people from those clutter shows like "Hoarders" are secretly peering through my windows scoping out their next story.

At least now with Sam sick, I may have bought myself a few extra sorting days. See, every black cloud has a silver lining. And now back to work.

My Aching Heart

The very last thing I feel like doing right now is blogging. I am so tired. BUT – I started this thing, and I have made it to the 18th and by George, I am not giving up now. Have I mentioned how tired I am?

Last night after I read Becky’s comment I sweetly persuaded Harv to move to the futon for the night. I then collected my sick little guy and tucked him in securely beside me for the night. He fell asleep clutching my hand with his little one. And I laid awake all night listening to him breathe. It was a long long night. He slept poorly. And his breathing sounded so terrible. Oh - a side note…another thing they don’t tell you in prenatal classes is how your heart will be ripped to shreds when your child is sick.

Yesterday, the doctor at the hospital took a swab for H1N1, but we won’t find out what those results are for at least a week. Honestly I was hoping that they would tell me I was just being an over-anxious mom and send me out the door. But they didn’t. In the meantime we talked to Sam’s pediatrician who wanted us to bring him in. So today we hauled our little sickie to Winnipeg. She said that he has Croup. I don’t really know what croup is. The only thing I remember about croup is on Anne of Green Gables when Diana’s little sister Minnie May was "awful sick" with the croup and Matthew and Anne rushed over to the Berry’s to “administer the Ipecac". It was all very dramatic. And then there was Matthew…sweet Matthew who said to Marilla later in that quiet voice of his…”You would have been proud of the way she saved that Berry baby.” Ah Matthew. Sweet Matthew. And aahh, my sweet little Sam.

But I digress.

So he has Croup…and the jury is still out on the H1N1. They sent us home…told us to expect this to last about 7 days. Said to try to keep his fever down and watch his breathing. It’s all just a little painful.

And then, in the midst of it all…my sick little baby, all lethargic, sickly, and barely moving…raises his little hands…clap-clap, clap-clap. The little trooper.

And once again, my aching heart is ripped to shreds.

And That's All She Wrote...

Not too long of a post tonight. I have a sick, sick little Sam over here. And of coarse, new mommy is completely and illogically freaking out. We took him to the hospital today when after I went into his room and he had this raspy, shallow breathing that sent all the H1N1 warning bells off in my head. My poor little guy. He is so sick. And he just stares. And whimpers. And stares some more. And really...I just can't take it.

I know I am being completely ridiculous here. But can you pray anyway?

HE DID IT!!!!

He did it!! He FINALLY did it!! He rolled from his tummy to his back.

This is a REALLY BIG DEAL.

Now maybe we can ALL get some sleep. No more getting up every 10 minutes to turn him like a little rotisserie chicken.

It is a happy day.

Blessed

It’s one hundred different little things.

It’s folding a tiny shirt. It's feeling that soft cheek pressed against mine. It’s using the church nursery. It’s washing bottles and little spoons. Today it was this:

The sight of those little shoes, carelessly thrown on the table; made my heart stop. It’s one hundred different little things.

It's these little things that squeeze my heart and tell me… You get to be a Mom. You get to be HIS Mom. And every time, in one hundred different ways, my heart feels full. And I feel JOY.

And I know, in one hundred different ways, that I am blessed.

The Best Intentions

I lead a group of women on Tuesday nights. It is an accountability/encouragement group of sorts. It is mostly related to weight issues, but we have been known to digress. I am in no way a qualified leader of this group. But I needed it, and no one would start one for me…so I started it myself.

Last night we were talking about living intentionally. Being intentional about our health, our choices, our relationship with God, etc… I do not live intentionally. I live reactively. Now I am sure Oprah would have 800 things to say to me about intentions, and living my best life and so on and so forth. And really, before I had my little Sam (and was already living unintentionally) I may have listened with a glimmer of hope. But now…I just don’t know. What was a struggle before, now just seems impossible.

How do you live intentionally when your whole day seems to be at the whim of a little 8 month old? Oh, don’t get me wrong…I have plans. I have a to do list. And if you know me well, you will know that it is an extremely long and unreasonable list of the things that I would like to accomplish in the span of any given day. It is sticking to the plan that gives me trouble.

Is it even possible in this particular season of my life to live intentionally? I intentionally got on the treadmill this morning. I also intentionally got off that treadmill every five minutes to rescue Sam from being on his tummy which he seems to hate. I intentionally sat down to fold the laundry. I also intentionally left the laundry when Sam needed his diaper changed. I intentionally planned to study a book I picked up regarding great foods to feed baby. I also intentionally left that book when I actually had to feed baby, rather than just reading about feeding him.

And so my days go. What should I do? Should I just embrace it? Embrace reactive living? I love being a mom…that would be easy to do. But I also love living in a house that is not complete chaos. And I know that I need to be intentional about my health so that I can enjoy being a mom for many years to come. I have just never felt so…thwarted in my plans.

Ahhh but what an adorable little thwarter. I LOVE reacting to that little guy. I am now going to intentionally walk by the dirty dishes and intentionally gaze lovingly at that little one whom I adore.

My Future in Publishing

Have I told you my latest news? I am writing a children’s book. It is called Spit Up. It is inspired by my sweet little baby. As my highly esteemed readers, I will give you a sneak preview.

Spit up on the chair
Spit up in my hair
Spit up not just on the bib…
Spit up EVERYWHERE!

Spit up on my clothes
Spit up on my nose.
Spit up every time I wish
to be smelling like a rose

Spit up on the floor
Spit up more and more
Spit up on my favorite shirt
As I’m heading out the door.

Spit up when we stay
Spit up when we go
If there was a cure for spit up
I would never know.

Every day I am coming up with new verses. My little Sam is happy to oblige. If he wasn’t so darn cute in his little jeans, I would wrap him up in a zip lock bag from the neck down! Sigh

Bits and Pieces

It’s been a busy weekend with not a lot of extra time for posting. Obviously the NaBloPoMo people didn’t take busy weekends into consideration before throwing out this challenge to the world. And obviously I didn’t quite think through the ramifications of how this daily posting would actually take place before I accepted this crazy challenge. But on we pursue.

Harv had a conference this weekend, leaving me the single parent of a baby who has decided he doesn’t like to sleep. Maybe it is because he turned 8 months old yesterday and feels he is too old for napping. There is just too much to do, between exploring his world, putting foreign objects in his mouth and trying to learn how to crawl.

My dearest friend Tia came for the weekend. There was a LOT of childcare going on, but in between we managed to find time for talking and crafting and puzzling, etc. I kept telling her that we made it through the continuous busy care of her young babies and that we would make it through mine. We did manage to pull off a fabulous craft that I spied in a magazine. Here is my art work...

I love it. It looks fabulous (if I do say so myself) and it combines two of my favorite things – color and paper. Look what kind of art you can create with bits and pieces of paper. Once I get my office organized I am going to hang it up to inspire myself to keep creating.

Well, I guess that is all for today.

Except for this...my baby has now had chicken!! Woohoo!!

Boy Genius

Sam learned to clap today. All by himself. I didn't even teach him.

SO. STINKIN. CUTE.

This little guy is moving forward. With or without me.

What's Eating You?

I’m stressed out. I am a stressed out mom. That’s what I am. It’s not because of the things I am doing. I love what I am doing. I love story time and cuddles on the chair. I love tickling Sam and hearing that little laugh. I love rocking him to sleep at night and singing him little songs that make him coo. I love so much about our days together.

I love what I am doing. It’s what I am NOT doing that causes me stress. It’s worrying about whether or not I am helping that little brain develop in the way that it should. (Or at least the way the parenting magazines say that it should.) Last night Harv said to Sam. “Daddy has a blue shirt, and Sammy has a blue shirt.” Instead of finding that little father/son moment endearing, I panicked. I have been so busy teaching Sam what sound a sheep makes that we haven’t even touched on colors yet!! Stress.

I’ve been trying to read a lot to get my mind around how to feed my little guy. We did so well in his first 6 months when all was required was a bottle. Now it is getting tricky. I read last night that by 7 months, babies should be eating meats and pasta and finger foods, and cut up slices of bread. I am completely behind. Sam is almost 8 months and is still on baby cereals and pureed mixes of sweet potatoes, and other vegetables. I don’t know why this stresses me out so much. It’s not like Sammy is going to graduate and go out to celebrate with a big tub of mashed up butternut squash.

But it’s not just that. It’s everything. I just want to be a good mom. You know…do the best that I can do for him. I don’t want him to be behind because I don’t have one hot clue as to what I am doing. I don’t want to “wreck him”. I don’t want him to have to spend thousands of dollars in therapy when he grows up because he has “Mommy issues”. Stress. All this worrying because I haven’t fed my baby chicken. But sometimes it’s not so much about what you are eating as what’s eating you.

Dangling the Carrot

Oh dear.

The magnitude of what I have signed up for is starting to hit home. Now what? I was all “out there” and cavalier out this decision and now I am starting to freak out a little bit. I can’t just talk all month about how I can’t believe I am doing this thing. (Or could I?) (That would be like dangling the carrot until the donkey loses complete interest and lays down for a nap.) (Not implying that you are the donkey in this particular scenario.) (Or that I am a carrot.) (Never mind.) I have 27 posts to go. I think I may be in a little trouble here.

I’m pulling out the big guns. The file. The file is basically a compilation of various paper scraps, post its, old napkins, etc, containing various thoughts, quotes, musings, funny sightings and potential diatribes. Basically it is procrastination in a pretty pink folder. A file of potential things to amuse you with if I was ever to get around to it.

Ooooooooo. That was a great build up. I think I am leaving it at that. Tune in all month for more. How do you like them apples? It’s like a preview and a practical therapy exercise for my perfectionism/extremist issues all wrapped in one.

Oh, and one more thing...

Third Time's a Charm?!

Really? Day #3! Really?! Am I really doing this thing? One post is a bit of a fluke…it was time to update anyway. Two was just to make up for lost time…lure back my readership. But three in a row? Well, that is just plain fishy. And scary…bordering on a commitment. Do I really think that I can pull this posting everyday thing off? I may need some help with conversation topics. Anyone?

Or maybe this will just be a great excuse to post 30 of the best pictures of my adorable little Sam. Here is one just to get you all warmed up and wanting more.

My Life in Pictures

It's been a busy summer with little posting. I still haven't gotten the knack of typing with one hand and caring, feeding, snuggling, changing, amusing, rescuing and loving little Sam with the other. Here are a few things that have been keeping us busy...

Harv's Grandpa came out in August for Sam's baby dedication and spent a few days with us. The oldest and youngest members of the Janzen family hit it off immediately. Sam's middle name (Peter) is taken from my dad and also Harv's grandpa. Grandpa called Sam "Peter" all weekend, and I had to break it to him that his name was actually Samuel, but that he could call him whatever he wanted. Which he did...Peter. SO FUNNY.


Big purchase in our family last week. The neighbor felt sorry for Harv and his two hour expeditions with the push mower. He offered to sell us his riding mower and we jumped at the chance. I've never seen such a happy man on a mower as Harv. Serious permagrin going on there as he has cut down his mowing time by more than half.

Sam and Abby have finally entered into each others worlds after 6 months of the cat snubbing the baby. Here they are attempting high five's before I distracted Sam with the camera. They may actually become friends yet. But truthfully, if she doesn't get off my table she may not live to see that friendship blossom.

Sam learned to sit up on his own this week!!! I find that this has opened up a whole new world for him. Put him on the floor surrounded by toys and he is one happy little baby. Happy Baby = Happy Mommy.


OK...just another one of this 'cause it's my blog and I think he is just so stinkin' adorable...


Sam had his six month birthday this month. I can't even begin to tell you how I feel about my little baby being six months already. We thought a present was in order for reaching this important milestone.


Aaaaannnd in the mouth it goes. Along with anything and everything else that he can get his little hands on.

Good times...

Happy six months my little love!!

So, there you have it. My life in pictures. Good times. Feeling pretty blessed around here.

Seriously?

Seriously?

September ALREADY?!

Seriously?

Wow.

That's all I've got.

Oh, and this...

Cutest. Baby. EVER.

Thanks Grandma!!

Thanks Grandma for my exersaucer!! I LOVE it!!!

It makes me almost as happy as when you come for a visit...

Yeah...look at this thing. This is good stuff.

I sure do like that Grandma.