Hey.

Hey all. Computer is back up and running. The good news? Only a virus...totally fixable. Not the carnage that I was dreading. So that is very good.

In other news...I am snug as a bug in a rug. Spending my days out and about and my evenings at home, cuddled under a blanket while the tree lights twinkle and the pyrotechnic blaze of my obsessive Christmas candles threatens to ignite our house on fire, but still warms me from the outside in. Ahhh good days. I love Christmas. I love these first days of winter when I still love winter, and haven't started to hate it yet.

Off to bed. Just thought some might be missing me as I have been missing you.

It's Here!

It’s here! It’s here! It’s finally here!!! It’s the most wonderful time of the year!!! Oh no, I did not accidentally post this two days late in honor of Halloween. Don’t you know me by now? I HATE HALLOWEEN. Its Halloween finally being here and over that gets me excited. (Though I must admit, I did see this furry Lion outfit that my little Sam would have looked ADORABLE in. I wavered…for a minute.) It’s today that I am celebrating. It's the day when all the ghost and goblin crap gets put away and we can get ready to REALLY party.

CHRISTMAS. Christmas decorations. Christmas extravaganza. Christmas hoopla. I LOVE it. I just LOVE. IT. ALL. From the first appearances of the Christmas magazines to the transformation of the stores into a Christmas wonderland. Today we were shopping for a few groceries from Superstore and I walked into the Christmas section, and my breath caught in my chest. I had a small Meg Ryan "OH BEAUTIFUL" moment right there and then. It's my happy place. From the twinkly lights to mass selection of shiny balls in every imaginable size. Even the tacky but lovable snowman head ornament balls gave me a little thrill. I just love it. And this year I am EVEN MORE excited because last year we moved over Christmas and I feel like it was all a big non-decorated blur. Well this year I am not missing out. This year I am making up for last year's missing twinkle. This year will be a big festive Christmas palooza of decor the likes that no one in this town has ever seen. (All very classy of course.)

I can just picture it now...

Let the extravaganza begin.

Happy Christmas Season Eve Everyone!

Halloween again. Whatever. I think I have been pretty open on this blog in the past about my feelings of disdain for Halloween. My feelings haven’t changed. My feelings on many things have changed since being all knocked up and expecting. But my feelings about being bullied into handing out free candy to kids all hyped up on sugar haven’t changed. And besides…if there was any chocolate kicking around this house, Harv can attest to the fact that I’m not about to share it. Not even with him. So here I am again, Halloween afternoon, wondering what plans I am going to make tonight so I don’t have to stub my toe as I wander around in the darkness of my own house.

I will confess, amid all this cynicism and bah-hallowhumbugging, there is one thing I love about Halloween. Well, its not so much about Halloween per say, but rather the day after. I love the day after Halloween. It’s the day that all the store owners put away all the scary, ugly, gobliny, creepy crap that has been clogging up the Superstore aisles (and yes, I do mean crap) (though I did see the cutest little furry lion costume this week that would most likely look so adorable on my baby next year...). All the Halloween stuff gets put away, the shelves are cleared, and out comes the beauty of the Christmas season, in all its commercialized and glitzy glory. I can’t wait. The magazines, the decorations, the tacky snowmen. I love it all.

There is nothing that puts me in the Christmas spirit like walking through the stores and being bombarded on all sides by every sort of holly-gizmo, and merry-gadget. And tomorrow it all starts. Maybe I should go to bed early tonight to get a good jump on the festivities. And by doing so I can kill two birds with one stone – being fresh in the morning, and all the while avoiding the glassy eyed stares of children in a sugar-induced state of comatose, looking for just a little more candy to fill their already overflowing plastic pumpkins. Maybe I should go to bed now. Let’s just get this day over with so we can start the REAL festivities that come in the morning.

Packing Up the Holly and Jolly

I’m feeling good. Life is returning to normal, and frankly – I’m glad. After almost 4 weeks of hustle and bustle, fellowship and festivous, I am ready to return to the regular scheduled programming of my daily life. Today I am packing up the mistletoe and embracing routine.

Today feels like a “normal” day. Harv has gone to work. All the Christmas company has returned to their own homes. All the traveling and Christmas activities are finally over and the New Year has been properly rung in. I am at home for the day, poised and ready to get my house in order. It feels good. Today feels like the New Year is starting. Sigh. Oh how I love the New Year. I love how it feels fresh and full of possibility. I love taking down the tree, packing up the Christmas stuff and scrubbing down the house from top to bottom, because it all seems to add to the freshness of the New Year. I love starting a new calendar. I love setting new goals.

Oh it’s a happy time all ‘round. I’m excited about plain old boring, un-festive, un-jollified routine. I haven’t felt this good since I pulled out all the Christmas stuff and started up all the hoopla in the first place.

The Beauty of Balance

A Post!!! It's a Christmas Miracle!!!

Not a lot of time for posting these days, what with all the decorating, card writing, party planning, banquet going and gift wrapping. They say it’s the most wonderful time of the year. I do tend to agree with this sentiment, but I also tend to prefer my life to take a less frenzied pace. I guess frenzied is what happens when you are trying to fit all good things and all important traditions into a couple of weeks. This morning I woke up and the scene out my office window took my breath away. It was such a glistening, perfect snow with hoarfrost and untracked beauty. It looked like a Christmas card, and for a moment I forgot my to-do list and my “wish-I-could-ofs” and just felt peace. Peace, quiet and unhurried rest.

These days my inner-Mary and my inner-Martha seem to be in constant conflict. Throw in my inner-child, my inner-romantic and my inner-Mennonite and you have a real battle. Part of me wants to sit and reflect and enjoy the season, while the other wants to be decking the halls and adding the tinsel in great perfected placement. Part of me doesn’t want to miss a single element, and the other wants to hole up in the house, cuddled with my hubby by the candlelit glow like some scene from a sappy Christmas movie. Oh and one part thinks its all just too ding danged expensive and wants to forget the whole season. You can guess which inner part that particular sentiment comes from.

I guess once again the theme of my life is finding balance. It is hard to rest and be a Mary, when you really do enjoy all the trimming and fuss of being a Martha. I think that if I would boycott all the glitz and garland that the Better Homes and Gardens magazines portray, I would feel like something was missing. Something that I really enjoy. But on the other hand, I don’t want to get so caught up in that sort of thing that I don’t take time to quietly enjoy the true meaning of the season.

So this year I am trying to get a nice mix between my frenetic days and my days of tranquility. I am mixing a few home days into the schedule between the days of hustle and bustle. I am baking, but only one or MAYBE two things. I am being a Christmas hostess, but only for ONE party. I am sending Christmas cards, but only to the church and not to every person that I have ever made acquaintance with in my lifetime. And for the first time in five years I didn’t even THINK of adding “Christmas letter” to my list of things to do (which incidentally never gets done even if it IS on the list).

So today is a tranquil day. Today I am taking in the view from my office window, feeling peace and truly enjoying the Christmas season. Mind you, I am enjoying it even more because of my festive Better Homes and Gardens looking living room, but that my friends is the beauty of a little thing called balance.

A Slow Start to the New Year.

So it's been brought to my attention that I am a little behind (wouldn't it be more fun if it was brought to my attention that I HAD a little behind? er...nevermind...). Anywhoo...according to my blog we are still in the midst of Christmas. Is this a problem, or just a reality in my world? As of last night we were still in full fledged Christmas mode. The decorations are still up, cards and gift wrap are still strewn about, and last night we got back from the last installment of gatherings and get-togethers. It has been a full two weeks of company and travel, and frankly...I'm exhausted. Last night we lay in our own bed, in our own just-the-two-of-us house, and I felt happy. Happy to be home. Happy to be getting into the year. Happy to get back to routine. Maybe that is why I found myself awake at 5 this morning...ready to start in on that highly anticipated routine. Or maybe it is just because I am not feeling well. All the Christmas chocolate is finally catching up with me. All I know is, no matter how I am feeling, that tree is coming down today. The Christmas stuff will be put away, and I will be starting a little thing that I like to call "Shirley's After-Christmas-Cleaning-Extravaganza". Just the thought of it gets me all tingly. Or maybe that is a fever coming on. You never can tell.

Time to get started on that extravaganza...

Twas the Night Before Christmas...again

At the risk of copying last years thoughts and sentiments exactly, I am stopping to write as we cross over from Christmas Eve to the day. Once again I find myself in that quiet place where jingle bells and decking the halls turn into silent night. Everything is now quiet. Every thing is still. Well at least in my household it is. The presents are wrapped and everything that is needed to be done is done - or scrapped and chalked up to "maybe next year". This is my favorite time of Christmas -when it doesn't matter if we are ready or not - it's here, and we will enjoy it. Everything is laid aside and we embrace the day. And all the things that we have been stressing and fussing over somehow don't seem that important in light of the reason for all our celebrations.

It has been quite a week. There has been nothing silent and nothing still about my week. And though I could write about it all, and catch everyone up, I really prefer to just enjoy the calm of this moment. My hubby is asleep, getting rested for our early morning drive to Winnipeg, and my cat is curled up near my feet. And for just this moment - everything is right in my little world. And I wish the same for you. I wish you all a wonderful Christmas and God's blessings for the New Year.

*OK - that last line seemed a little like a Christmas card, but since the whole mailing of cards thing fell under the category of "maybe next year" - consider this post my personal greeting to you.

And finally...Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Oh Stress...Thy Name is Holiday Hustle and Bustle

I'm trying to keep it all together. I really am. I have given myself all the little pep talks about enjoying the holidays, and remembering the reason for the season. I have cut things like baking and extravagant holiday entertaining out of the to do list, and I turned my back on my nemesis - that blasted Christmas letter that I am always vying to write. I even went as far as to buy fabulous Christmas mugs to promote the drinking of hot chocolate and resting by the warm glow of the Christmas tree. But seriously people...it's like I just can't help myself. I am stressed out. I am inflicted by Christmas stress. The holiday hustle and bustle is reeking havoc on my quest for silent nights and a mental state of comfort and joy.

There is so much to think about. The cards. What to write in the cards. Who to send cards to. To add a photo or not to add a photo. And then more thoughts about what to write in the cards. Sigh. And then there are the thoughts on the church Christmas banquet. How did I get in charge of all the decorations? And will those blasted centerpieces look as unimpressive as I am afraid that they will? And how will our trio sound? And will my shoes work? They are old. They are not a great fashion statement. And did I buy the right size of pantyhose? Yes..these are the thoughts that churn around in my brain. Does this sound like sitting-by-the-tree-sipping-hot-chocolate-with-my-great-new-mugs sort of relaxing thoughts? No. I didn't think so.

This is not how Christmas is supposed to be. And the craziest part is, it's all very self inflicted. Take for example the aforementioned Christmas banquet decorating thing - I said that I didn't want to do it this year. I said that if they couldn't find anyone else I would do it - but it would be VERY simple, and VERY low key. So this afternoon while we were decorating I was getting all uptight because it was TOO simple and TOO low key. It's like the burning desire-for-things-simple side of me was fighting with the high-falootin'-perfectionist side of me, and the perfectionist was winning. The perfectionist always wins. It's an obsession and it always seems to win. But does it REALLY win? Since when does stressed out feel like winning? Since when does the angst of getting things perfect feel like a victory? No I think that it just makes me feel all around loser-ish. Why is it that even though I cut things out of my to do list, deep inside I still have the inner angst of what I am not doing? When will I ever really just be able to chill out and just simplify? And I mean really simplify. Not to just say it, but continue on with the inner mental berating that follows me around. I mean simplify and feel at peace about it.

This is such a battle. So much of me wants the perfect little life. I look at a Martha Stewart Christmas, and I want that in my home. I want the real floral centerpieces and the perfectly browned turkey to be served with perfectly matching linen napkins, beautifully flickering dripless candles, and a trail of pine greens cascading down my carved wooden staircase banister. But the thing is - I don't have a carved wooden banister. I don't have a clue how to make a turkey, much less brown it perfectly and in all reality, most of my friends would much rather hang out around a pizza and a good game of Scattegories than a formal dinner. And frankly - so would I. What I think that I want doesn't really seem to fit into my lifestyle - or even who I am. Maybe I just don't know who I am. Wow - I think you are all witnessing a real life identity crisis.

Well, the perfectionist in me would like to wrap all this up nicely with a glittery bow, and tell you how I have found victory in my angst, and how I have grown in this area of my life, but truthfully - I am at a loss. I don't know how to break the perfectionist cycle. And I don't know if I want it completely broken, or just partially broken. But what I do know is that my real floral centerpiece looks very Martha-ish, and amazing, and is giving me daily joy. So in all things there is joy and sorrow. There is some angst in the perfectionism, and there is some joy in it. I just can't figure out if the end result of joy is worth the angst it takes to get me there. But that is something to ponder on another day. For now, I am going to sit by my perfectly decorated tree and try to relax with my new wintry mugs filled with hot chocolate, steaming just like they would in a Martha Stewart magazine. And for now, that is O.K.

Just a girl and her pet...

Girl and her pet love Christmas. It is their favorite time of the year. Girl loves to put up the tree, cover it with twinkly lights and enjoy it's warm glow. Pet likes to use the tree as a scratching post, and climb all the way to the top. Girl loves the festive look in the house. Girl creates bowls of pine cones, Christmas greens, and cinnamon sticks to enhance the festive spirit. Pet loves to chew on the cinnamon sticks, play with the pine cones, and pull out the Christmas greens with her teeth.

Girl made a lovely Christmas arrangement to beautify the table. Pet thinks that she belongs next to the arrangement. Pet feels like she is in the forest. Pet knows she is not allowed on the table. Girl scolds pet and puts her on the floor.

Girl likes to arrange the house just so. Every ornament has it's place on the tree. Every snowman and every figurine goes in its special spot. Pet thinks that she should also have a place amidst all the decorations. Girl tells pet she does not belong. Pet does not like to listen. Pet bats at all the carefully placed ornaments. Pet is told often..."No! Bad cat!"

But as much as the girl loves Christmas, the girl loves her pet more. The girl would not want to be without her pet. The girl and her pet will have a warm and happy holiday together.

T'was the Night Before Christmas...

...and all through the house, no creature was stirring... Well I don't really consider Harv to be a creature, unless a creature of habit counts, but even as that there is no sign of stirring - he is fast asleep. Abby, our little chosen creature, on the other hand is most definitely stirring. She takes after me, and comes alive at night. It's Christmas Eve, and many out there are sleeping. I on the other hand remain awake a few moments longer to be as Mary, and ponder different things in my heart.

We had a city-wide joint Christmas Eve service tonight. It was excellent. My favourite part of the night was a rap performance of a Christmas song. It was done by this youngin’ who had so much soul, that he could put an album out today and it would hit the charts. I didn’t understand a single word that he said, but it was still awesome!

After the service we schmoozed with our church members, had happy reunions with their kids who were home for the holidays, and watched them leave the church with this joy that comes over people when they are heading home to partake in family traditions and such. And I gotta tell you…I felt sad. Not the feeling that you were expecting perhaps and definitely not the norm for me on Christmas Eve. But I watched all the families leave, and I felt so sad. Not that I would withhold any such family celebrations from any of them, but Harv and I went home… alone. There were no Christmas bags with peanuts and chocolates like when I was a kid, and the commotion that comes with the trading of chocolate bars and Dad stealing the orange and peanuts. There were no presents under the tree to be opened as a family. There was no watching of The Sound of Music, Meet Me in St. Louis, or any other Christmas favourite as my Dad and I would traditionally do. There was no puzzle started on the table, or smells of Mom getting egg nog ready for our traditional Christmas morning drink. It just felt sad.

So I had myself a little moment of self pity. Pity that we couldn’t be home with family (at least not until tomorrow night…) pity that we don’t have any kids yet to start our own traditions with, pity that we live far away and that we couldn’t leave yesterday, pity that we are all getting older and that we can’t hold on to those days when Christmas filled you with such excitement that you couldn’t sleep for the sheer joy and wonder of it all.

In the midst of all my pity my sweet husband took me in his arms and said “I’m your family sweetheart.” And that felt really really good.

So, no kids, no new traditions to follow, no big mess of wrapping paper to clean up after the gift extravaganza, no egg nog in the morning, but I’ve got one sweet hubby, and I’ve got packed bags that are by the door ready to go after the last amen of church tomorrow. And so life is good, and there is a lot to be thankful for. And with that I wish you all a Merry Christmas and to all a good night.

Christmas Cheer Served Up on a Big Silver Platter...

This afternoon I opened the front door to the smiling faces of two of my dearly-loved youth girls. I knew they were up to something. They had skipped their last day of school before Christmas break, and were ready to spend the afternoon with me. Now I cannot in good conscience condone the skipping of school – knowing the value of education. But knowing that all they were missing was a class party, I gave them my sternest of looks, and feigned mortification for a full 30 seconds before I invited them in for hot chocolate and chit chat. But the girls didn’t just come for a visit. They came with Christmas cheer in mind. And with a look of great satisfaction they pulled out a Christmas present for Harv and I. I wasn’t sure what to say. Presented before me were three very small, albeit quite charming little fish. The girls were so pleased with themselves, I almost didn’t have the heart to tell them with the size of my fish, and the drama that has been going on in my tank, the present that they had brought us was more likely to be a present of a Christmas feast for my fish. Sort of like when the boss gives you a Christmas ham, but in this case a Christmas fish. The girls had named the fish after themselves. Well, two after themselves, and one after the church secretary. Don’t ask me why. They wanted to give something to remember them by when they left for college next year. In my mind (as I was making great declarations of thankfulness and jubilation) I was picturing the saga I stumbled across a couple weeks ago when I found Sophie’s head stuck in Dorrie’s mouth. I hated to think of what she would do to little tiny Whitney. Well I broke the news to them, but they were convinced that these fish were made of strong stuff, just as their namesakes, so we added them in. Well I’ll tell you – that church secretary didn’t see it coming. She was M.I.A. in a matter of minutes. And the girls looked on in horror. I don’t think they had quite believed me. I expected the same of the rest, but I am happy to say that little Whitney and little Jennifer are holding their own in a tank of sharks. Lucky for them, they are fast. I think that is the only thing keeping them afloat.

You know, despite the tragedy in the tank, we had such a great afternoon. We laughed and drank hot chocolate, and kept our eye on the tank. I just love these girls who have such beautiful, spunky hearts, and who really wanted to do something to make Harv and I feel loved. Their intentions were awesome. I found out later that their first idea was to bring us a puppy. Then it got downgraded to a gerbil or hamster. I am happy they went with the fish. Today I am feeling really thankful that I get to build relationships with group of wonderful girls who love the Lord and who love others and who are SO MUCH FUN. Sometimes we pastor type folks really are the most blessed of all people. Who would have thought that a little sushi would be the cause of this great reminder? You never know just what the Lord is going to use to get His point across!

Having Myself a Merry Little Christmas...

We have been in full hustle and bustle mode. Things get a little busy around this time of year for pastoral type people, and for everyone else too I know. But I think that I have finally turned a corner from Jingle Bells to Silent Night. Sunday night was our annual Christmas banquet. It was a lot, a LOT, A LOT of work, but it went very well and I think people enjoyed themselves. Now that it is over I feel like I can actually relax and enjoy this season. So today I am feeling pretty festive and jolly. And peaceful. Now that all the “have to do” stuff is out of the way, we get to do the fun things, like delivering chocolates to our Church Elders, and going Christmas carolling, and just enjoying this great birthday bash.

Abby is feeling happier today as well. Maybe she senses my mood. Today she gets free roam of the house. We have been putting her in my office for nights and when we are not at home. And because we have been gone so much, she has been in here a lot. We wouldn’t have to do this if we could keep her away from the tree. But there is something about it that sends her on a mad dash to the top in minutes. It’s very annoying.

I am about to go make sugar cookies, cause they are Harv’s favorite, and I love to decorate them. Hope everyone is having a great Christmas week!

Give Me One for the Underdog...

Today Harv and I went out for a walk and the weather was absolutely gorgeous. What a beautiful day – the kind that makes your heart happy. But as we walked we stumbled across something that filled my heart with more jubilation than even the weather. Someone was out there putting up Christmas lights! My heart did a little leap. OK – it was more than a little leap – I was filled with great levels of glad tidings and joy and immediately started singing “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…” I am a bit of a Christmas NUT. Our house turns into a winter wonderland of snowman, nativity’s, trees, candles and other Christmas paraphernalia. Seeing that November is right around the corner, I will soon be itching to start decorating. Harv usually makes me wait until after the Grey Cup. I don’t know why, but we all have our traditions that we follow religiously. I don’t remember discussing this during the pre-marriage counselling, but I am starting to think that it should be listed right up there with spending habits and visitation rights of in-laws. But back to Christmas… I admit that I have already bought two Christmas magazines, and perused through many others in the Superstore grocery line up. It really is the most wonderful time of the year.

Even in my anticipation, I find myself percolating on a few things that have come to my attention lately. First of all I ran into someone lately that said she didn’t LIKE Christmas. She didn’t like it at all. I tried to hide my shock and awe, and not startle her too much with my wide eyed wonder and emphatic – “WHAT?!?!?” She said that it was too commercialized. Yes, I have heard that before. Then, on the same weekend I read a book title that caused me to ponder further. The title was Can Martha Have a Mary Christmas? I stood there looking at that for quite a while, and I am afraid the title has not left me since…but not in the way that you might think. I know what they are saying…that we should not get so caught up in the craziness and commercial aspects of Christmas that we forget the true and real meaning. And I agree with that wholeheartedly. But I am also starting to think that poor Martha has been getting a bad rap her whole life. Everyone is so down on Martha…Martha is the worry wart…Martha is the obsessed…Martha has the anal retentive qualities of an ant on ritalin. But Mary…MARY has it all right. Every woman’s conference from here to Tuktiyuktuk has featured some speaker praising Mary and dogging on Martha. OK…I know that Jesus himself said that Mary had chosen what is right (Luke 10:38-42), and Martha, though well intentioned was slightly misguided. I am well familiar with the story. And I agree that we should be more concerned with the state of our heart than the state of our house. But I guess what I am wondering is this…is it always one or the other? What do you get when you have a Martha cross bred WITH a Mary? Because personally I think that I am a bit of both. I love to sit at the feet of Jesus. I just like to do it on a lovely colored floor mat with candles lit in the background, and maybe a streaming cup of hot cocoa and a platter of stuffed mushrooms and crab puffs beside me. So I am wondering…can you have the heart of Martha and Mary combined? And is it OK? Am I forgetting the meaning of Christmas and the beauty of the nativity story just because my house is a virtual wonderland of glitter and twinkle? Can I not have a heart for the Lord and still be concerned about the beauty of my surroundings? Because personally I think that God GAVE me a love for beauty. I know that in this, as with everything, it is all about balance. Everything in moderation right? But I guess today I just wanted to put in a little plug for the underdog. A little affirmation for the Martha’s in this world. A reminder that even Martha’s want beauty in their hearts (they just want it in their homes as well). And just remember the next time you are at a conference learning how to be a Mary while excavating any traces of Martha in your heart – think about who most likely organized the event in the first place? My guess is – probably a Martha.