Officially Deciding to Not Freak Out.
This morning I was officially voted in as an Elder/Deacon of our church. I have been involved in this particular role for about 3 years now, but more in an assumed “wife of the pastor” sort of capacity. Now I am official. Very official. And now I am officially full of nervous self doubt. It’s all just crazy. I have always done visitations with Harv, and I have always attended the meetings and I have always been concerned with the spiritual direction of our church. Nothing is changing. But now it’s official. And there is something about that official-ness that is scaring the crap right out of me. (OOhhhhh…am I allowed to say crap? I’m an Elder now. But I’ve always been an Elder. See…I’m all flustered and all freakin’ out.)
Someone came up to me after the meeting and congratulated me on my new role (that is when the icy fingers of freak out started to grab my neck and squeeze). I thought… “New role? I have been in this role for 3 years…does new role mean new responsibilities that I am not aware of? Does this involve more expectations on me?” (the icy freak out fingers started to squeeze tighter). Then she asked if I was intending to continue on in my role as pastor’s wife, or if I was just going to be an Elder. Confusion befell me. What does that mean? I thought to myself… "Well…I am not intending to divorce Harv, so I guess I will stay as his wife. And seeing as how he is the pastor, I guess that would make me the pastor’s wife. Does that mean I am now the Pastors wife, the Elders wife AND an Elder?” (the icy freak out fingers fell to the floor in a curled up fetal position, rocking gently…back and forth, back and forth.)
Ah yes, roles and expectations…what a tangled web they weave. I could write quite an engaging post on this very subject, using my vast experience in the world of serving up unmet expectations with a smile and a shrug. Will we never learn? Isn't this precisely what gets us in the most trouble in our relationships - assuming our own expectations on others? But for some reason as I have been writing this I have become eerily calm about the whole thing. Maybe I am finally learning, that yes - expectations are out there - especially in ministry, but that is exactly what they are...expectations. They are not demands, they are not by-laws, they are not legally binding rules of engagement. They are simply other people's thoughts placed on us, and we can choose what we want to do with them. And at this moment, I am choosing to do...nothing. Right now, at this moment I am not going to be the Pastor’s wife, or the Elder’s wife, or the Elder. I’ve got to go wake up my hubby from his peaceful afternoon slumber. So at this moment I am going to be the role that I love the best…Harv’s wife. Pure and simple. No confusion or expectations here.
(icy freak out fingers give a great big thumbs up)
10 comments:
Thank our dear Lord that even as a Pastor's wife or elder you are not obligated to put any serious stock into questions from congregants that don't make any sense. Tell those icy freak out fingers that your duty before God is still the same and carry on doing what you have always done....serving Him and being a great wife to Harv. God bless you.
Who. Are. You?.
(You're my new best friend!)
:)
Shirley you are one of the most friendliest people I have ever met. And on top of that you have a real honest concern for others, that's just your natural personality. So I think, no I know, that you will do and have been doing, an amazing job. Because you love the Lord and you care for people, it's a natural fit. You go girl!!
congratulations on the title! I am not familiar with these positions or titles so I must ask,
Do you get a corner office with a view?
A sign on the door?
a wage increase?
more benefits?
: )
Positions of leadership come with more responsibility. That said, it sounds like you've been doing this job, and doing it well, for a number of years already.
Enjoy your title!
Oooooohhhh, a corner office with a view...now that is something I had not considered. I am going to have to rethink MY expectations for this role! ha ha
Also...Thanks everyone for all the kind words. :)
Hi Shirley: it's Anonymous, AKA your "new best friend" here. haha My name is Susan and I found your blog addie on an old website of my friend Diane Exner a few months ago. I don't want to "eavesdrop" on your blog but occasionally I check it out and so enjoy your writing and your honesty. I am presently a pastor's wife in Sundre AB, but we are moving to Moose Jaw (I think, just waiting for confirmation) next month. We were in Caronport for 3 years, came back to AB last Sept. and now back to MJ....moving is actually what we do best...18 residences in 6 years. Sigh... Hope it is okay if I still drop in once in awhile to read your news and views.
See? I told you, you should have let me vote no.
Sue...feel free to easdrop away! I have lot's of "lurkers" and they are all welcome. (Though I LOVE it when they comment!) I wonder if we were in Caronport around the same time (we were there from 01-03)?! Maybe we left just as you came. That is where we got to know Jay and Diane. Anyways - thanks for the encouragement. Maybe I can do the same for you, as a fellow pastor's wife...though on this blog I am usually venting...but we need that too once in a while!
Sue here: Yes we arrived in Caronport in August of 2004. We missed meeting you. Thanks for the invite to continue to read your blog. I enjoy it.
so do I.
even though I didn't really get an invite.
I kind of just broke in.
but its safe and comfy here.
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