On Life, Goodbyes, and New Beginnings...

I really have nothing to say today, so I think that I will say what I wanted to say 2 weeks ago, but didn’t have the time to say it. (Isn’t that how it goes…I am full of ideas when I have no time to write, but now…nothing. Blank.) But first a picture...
A couple of weeks ago some very special youth in my life took that final walk – the pathway between childhood and adulthood – graduation. For them, it was saying goodbye to high school, and in a sense to childhood. It was goodbye to the routine that they have known for the past 12 years. There was excitement and celebration, and Harv and I were invited along for the good times. For me, the goodbyes were harder to say, because although I am thrilled for them, and excited to see them pack up and start on their own journey, I am left with somewhat of a nostalgic hole. These girls have been a huge part of my life here, and a huge part of the role I play in the church, and so I can’t help but feel a little…lost…wondering what I will do. But I tried not to wallow in that too much, because after all, it was their day. This life event has set my thoughts percolating...

First of all – I couldn’t help but watch these girls with a twinge of wistfulness, and dare I admit to envy? There they were at the starting gate – with their whole lives ahead of them. They could be any thing that they want to be…walk down any path of their choosing. There were no thoughts of “Oh I could never do that” or, “It’s too late for that choice.” No thoughts of being too old, or too twisted by the hard knocks of life. All I saw on their faces was anticipation and hope. Sort of like when you are waiting for the jet to take off…the bags are packed, and there is hope and anticipation for the journey, but you haven’t quite taken off yet. These looks of hopeful joy, of “the world is my oyster”, lead me to my next thought…

WASN’T IT JUST ME? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was walking down that graduation aisle, saying my goodbyes to childhood? Where the heck did the last 16 years go? And how did they go so fast? And how do I feel about the choices and direction that I chose? When I was graduating, did I hope in my heart of hearts that this was the direction my life would take? For some things yes, and some things definitely no. I don’t know that I ever aspired to have a 10 year career in retail, or be 33 with no kids, or to live far away from all friends and family or to struggle daily with my crazy bungee-cord-like emotions. But I did hope to be in church work of some form and I did wish to marry a prince charming, and those things have definitely happened. I know that I always thought that I was meant to do something special and profound…and I really don’t feel that this has happened yet. But how much of this has to do with the choices that I made after graduation, and how much does life just take over and happen? And what about God’s plan in it all? So how much choice do these graduates actually have? OOhhhhh – my thoughts are just swirling away.

Last but not least…can we get back to “graduation day” – back to that place where we feel like we could do anything, and take any path? Is it possible to switch current paths and forge ahead on new ones? I heard a saying the other day that I haven’t heard in years “Today is the first day of the rest of your life”. My mom used to say that to me all the time growing up. And I honestly believed it then, as a teenager. Do I believe it now - now that I am having an early mid life crisis? Is it possible 16 years after graduation to once again cross that threshold of choice and possibility? Those days when you had the world on a string - sitting on a rainbow. Maybe it is. One thing for sure, I know that even if I could go back, I can’t get back that wide-eyed-innocent, “life is going to be anything I want it to be” look that the graduates had. I know now that things do not always turn out as I would have liked. But even with that said, there is a new hope in knowing that my life is not quite over yet, and hopefully on the time scale of my life I am closer to walking the graduation march than to the march towards the bright light and the world beyond.

Well I am not sure where I am even going with this, and I know I would never post it, if I had to figure it all out first. So I will leave you to ponder on this with me for a while. And in the meantime, life continues to roll on by. And before I know it I will be 32 years down the road from graduation, and I wonder where we will all be then? For some reason I have this urge to sing that song…”the road is long…with many a winding turn…”