STOP THE BUS; I'M TAKING A CAB...
Big hot date for Harv and I Monday night…TV trays and election results. Whewweee we are one exciting couple! Hot Stuff. I made a lovely supper for the occasion. A Chinese concoction of sorts including Pineapple chicken and mini egg rolls. We even splurged and used not two, not three, but FOUR chicken breasts. THAT NEVER HAPPENS. That’s like 3 times more than we would normally use. And it wasn’t even our anniversary.
It was a good night. There was some yelling at the TV at first, but in the end I was pretty happy with the results. Maybe I am more of a political spirit than I thought I was. Or maybe there was just some deep resonation with the political leaders. I listened to their speeches and have been pondering over a great revelation since then. I have said right from the get go – “I would never want to be a politician” – but as I have been watching the campaigns unfold – I have come to the uncomfortable realization that all of us pastor type folk are indeed in somewhat of a political campaign ourselves.
Paul Martin stated in his speech that political life is taxing – it has its ups and downs. So true with a life in ministry as well. We feel the pull to be saying the “right things” and doing what we “should” be doing. There is the strain of a life on the “platform” – when for some reason people feel that it is their right and privilege to scrutinize and evaluate every aspect of your life as if you somehow belong to them. We get out there and schmooze in the crowds, somehow hoping to win the favour of the people. And when we fall behind in the polls in a “certain riding” we go out and shake hands and kiss babies and do what we can do to swing the popular vote. There are also the feelings of regret when you are unable to fulfill some of the promises enthusiastically proclaimed during the campaign – or candidating process. But how are you to know, as a young inexperienced, idealistic seminarian, excited about all that you think that you can do? How do you know, until you are actually elected what kind of opposition you will face, and what kind of strengths and weaknesses that you will bring to the table? Yes, it is a politician’s life – there is no doubt about it.
And though there are big smiles all around – I have to wonder – how do these men REALLY feel about the life they have chosen for themselves? The life that they feel called to. How do their wives feel? What are they really like behind closed doors, when they are in the safety and sanctity of their homes with their families? How do I really feel about it? I must admit that there is a strong inner pull to yell “stop the bus” - to jump off the political platform and throw the campaign to the wind. I long to not have to worry about saying the right things. I don’t want to be concerned with sending out the right message. And showing up at all the things that I “should” show up at. I just want to be me. To be authentically ME. To be recognized not as a politician – but as someone who is working out her salvation with fear and trembling just like the rest of the people. I want to be KNOWN for who I am, and not for what I can do. I feel called to this life. I am not wanting to leave it – but I would like to leave behind…the politics. I was not meant to be a politician. And I guess the journey that I am on is to figure out this: how do I be in a political arena, and not be a politician? How do I step off the platform? How can I be “OK” even when others are not voting in my direction? How can I get away from standing at the podium when all I want to do is stand shoulder to shoulder with the people - to together figure out this journey of life with all its ups and downs and twists and free falls?
Harv says that I don’t have to figure it all out now. And I know he’s right. I think that it’s enough that I am pondering and questioning and figuring. And one of these days I’ll get it. And maybe then you will see me hobnobbing with the other young politicians (pastor's wives) helping them make their campaign less of a campaign and more of a life. Now that’s a thought that gets my vote.
7 comments:
I wish our church wouldn't force you in to the role of politician... It makes me sad. I like you just the way you are.
I hate pretention and yet... Sometimes it's necessary, so I don't blame you.
Yes, there are seniors and grandmas reading this blog,so I agree- keep the language classy,please!Here is a suggestion re politics in the church arena--I relate -I get your drift--there is some truth to your words--but check your focus.Is it on the Lord--to please Him -to be more Christ -like?Then impressing others is less important.And there's a song for every lesson "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim ,in the light of His glory and grace!
did you hear about the liberal that got fired for comparing olivia chow to a dog? of course it was on his "private" blog... ha ha. we all know, blogs are not private and are not meant to be! does anybody in your church have a computer? if so i would be using the blog to wooo them not wound them - watch for the cyber police
Did you not hear a word I said? You have just asked me to step right back on the platform. And another thing - I do not believe that I am wounding or wooing our church people. I am simply expressing how I feel. I have not expressed names or situations - just realities that every pastor and his wife face in every church.
Hey. I go to Shirley's church and while I consider myself first her friend I am still a member of her congregation and do you know what wounds me? The idea that she can't be real with all of us at church. But she probably can't. At least I know she has family and friends she can be real with... AND this blog. She shouldn't have to put on a show. No one from our church has a right to expect perfection from her. (We certainly haven't reached that stage!) If they stumble across this blog by some weird fluke I think they would be impressed with her thoughfulness and depth. Personally if I were her I wouldn't keep it a secret. I have never seen anything on here that we all shouldn't be aware of.
Sorry for the rant. I had to say it. She's a great friend and a fabulous pastor's wife. I think anyone who reads any of her posts would think the same thing.
Oh yeah. AND if anyone saw anything on here that wounded them maybe it would be good medicine for them. Because I know they have wounded her and been unaware of it and maybe they could use a dose of truth. I don't mean to be cruel. I love love love the people in our church, but sometimes congregations sure expect a lot out of our pastoral couples and the only thing they get back is criticism, gossip, and judgement. Maybe if we were told everytime we've done something hurtful we could learn to be more supportive and less destructive.
Sorry... more ranting. Shirley you can delete this if you feel it is too confrontational.
Becky, that was a really good word. Of dozens of friends and fellow students that graduated Bible School with me (late 80's) and began in ministry, virtually all have left full-time ministry, and almost always because of unrealistic expectations placed upon them or other hurtful experiences with church members. Obviously something's not working right! Rather than submit to some outdated preconception of what a pastor's wife (and also a pastor!) should be, we need young pastor families to blaze new trails. What is so desperately needed is not people who "look" like proper pastors and pastor's wives/husbands, but ones who authentically model "being on the road" just like everyone else in their church. And being authentic means not giving up your unique personality, gifts, enjoyments, hobbies, likes, and dislikes. Fight the good fight, Shirley. To really mix metaphors, finding the road less traveled by is ALWAYS worth it.
And thus endeth MY rant. :-) Blessings all.
Wow you guys...that was some passionate ranting. I think I'm going to cry. sniff sniff.
Thanks for the support!!!
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